Raising Kids Can Be Tough

I think it’s important to teach children about the world.  That’s why when I have kids, I plan to raise them Amish.  I am not Amish, but my children will be.  That way they can’t be exposed to the sex and violence so prominent in today’s TV, movies and music.  If they ask me why I’m allowed to watch TV and they aren’t, I’ll just explain that their religion forbids it and mine doesn’t.  It may be difficult for them, but ultimately it’s for their own good.  They will be required to raise a barn before they turn 16.  But, I will buy them a horse and buggy for their 16^th birthday, because I’m generous like that. 

Because they will belong to such a restrictive religion, in order to make sure that they’re not completely sheltered from the real world, I will also encourage them to form rival gangs within our household.  My husband and I will, of course, be in the same gang.  We will have our own gang signs and initiations.  We’ll divide the household into territories and there will be consequences for trespassing.  Nothing violent…just a grounding or an extra cow to milk or something.  They need to learn the truth.  East LA won’t be as kind, should they decide to move there for their rumspringa, at which point I fully expect them to leave the Amish church.  Whether or not they join a gang on the outside is their decision.  I certainly wouldn’t encourage that behavior, trusting they will have learned that lesson already.  On top of that, should they decide to be baptized into the Amish church, it would forbid them from using automatic weapons, so that pretty much kills their chances of getting into a gang anyway.  It’s so hard to raise kids these days.  You gotta be creative.

Peace out.